Week 29

Oh what a rough week it is has been.  The holidays were not so kind to us this year.  First, daughter #1 got a little cold, and then I got it, and then Daddy R got it.  Then, the day before Xmas Daughter #1 started throwing up.  Every 5-10 minutes throwing up.  Poor sweet girl.  It got so bad that we had to take her to the ER at 4am due to dehydration concerns.  Then, a Christmas miracle and she was FINE on Christmas morning.  Not eating very much but happy as could be, no barfing, and enjoying the holiday.  The day after Christmas and the vomiting resumed.  It was crazy that it took a wee little break so our sweet girl could open her presents and play all day.  I was so scared that we would be throwing up next that I went to town with the bleach, changed all the toothbrushes, washed all of the linens.  Our house was spotless.  And I was extra exhausted.  I ended up sleeping one night from 8:30pm to 8:30am.  I don't think I have had that much sleep since my pre-mommy days!  It was amazing!

In other news I am feeling better.  I even ate some cookies and treats over the holiday and did not feel sick!  Perhaps my sugars are evening out.  I also think my weight gain might be slowing down because I haven't gained any more weight.  I had a midwife appointment and they said I am the "picture of health" this pregnancy.  This is crazy to me.  Absolutely insane.  Because healthy is the last thing that I feel.  Baby's head is still down though!  And I had a doula appointment.  Things are going well!  Moving right along! Now, all I want for Christmas is for that placenta to move out of the way....Christmas wish please come true because I think I deserve the "good list" this year!

29 Weeks 

Week 28

Still growing and growing.  Which is what I am supposed to do, I know.  But eating all of this food constantly means that I am growing faster than I want.  I am 10 pounds away from how much I weighed when I gave birth to baby #1....but I have 12 weeks to go.  And if I gain a pound a week that would be fine but the last few weeks I have gained like 3 pounds a week.  I actually had a dream the other day that I tried to put my thighs together and my knees couldn't touch because of all my leg fat!!!  So now I am just hoping this baby comes a little early.  Like 37 weeks would be nice.  Last pregnancy I felt like I grew out of my maternity clothes and this pregnancy I am already feeling uncomfortable.  Especially because being preggo in winter requires so many more clothes!  I loved being pregnant in summer and just throwing on a maxi skirt and calling it good.  But now I need pants, and a top, and a sweater, and a coat, and then I add in the boots and I might really weigh 300 pounds!  Random change of topic: We had our home inspection and it did not go so well.  Lots of major repairs needed.  If the seller just gives us money off the purchase price we can still move in before this baby comes.  But if not, we might be screwed.  Screwed like we are not moving into the house ever or screwed like it might be after baby comes (which requires unpacking our boxes because I still need baby clothes!).  Ugh.

This is a an unintentional Christmasy picture!  Happy holidays with love from this 28 week bump! 

Week 27

We went out and bought a lot of high protein snacks.  I'm living off of cheese, yogurt, nuts, eggs, and beans....like for real.  The other day I thought to myself, I haven't had a piece of fruit or a vegetable in a while....  But, I think I am feeling slightly better.  I still need to eat every two hours (and that is seriously the maximum length I can go!).  No other real pregnancy news.  Just working a lot per usual! BUT in other life news....we got an accepted home offer! AAHHHHHHH!!!!   Maybe this little girl will have a nursery after all.....crossing all fingers and toes!

The 27 week bump is sneaking out of my sweater!

Week 26

So this was the week of my gestational diabetes test.  I was so worried I would fail it because even though they say you can't give yourself diabetes by eating poorly, I just wasn't so sure.  Well, I did not fail it per se.  No, according to the test I passed with flying colors.  In fact, I passed it too well.  I am hypoglycemic.  I still don't get exactly what's up with my body (other than knowing it's weird) but  basically what happened was that my fasting blood sugar was 70 (on the low side).  An hour after drinking that yummy glucola, instead of my blood sugar going up, it went way down! Like to 55 (35 is coma, folks!).  And then the 2-hour it went up to 60.  The scariest part of all of this was that I did not feel crappy at all during this test.  I felt great!  Which means, when I do feel crappy (because I have almost fainted several times and I keep getting shaky if I don't eat) I wonder what my blood sugar is like then?!?!  In the 40s?!?!  Aahhhhhhhh!  If anyone can explain this to me that would be helpful because I only talked to my midwife over the phone and I didn't get a clear picture of what is going on.  And WebMD just tells me I am going to die...soooo......yeah.  Basically, this explains my constant needing to eat and gaining too much weight the last few weeks.  I now need to really focus on limiting my sugar and simple carbs (because that is causing my body to produce too much insulin and my blood sugar crashes) and focus on proteins and complex carbs.  AND xmas cookie baking is coming up.  I want to cry.  But I can't because I'm too hungry.  This is horrible.  At least they said the baby is doing a-okay!

26 Weeks...which means 14 more weeks +/- until I can feel like a normal person again (and eat a cookie and beef jerky because that is all I really want...and maybe a few cocktails and a glass of wine).....pregnancy does not agree with me!

Week 25

AAHHH the holidays.  I was not pregnant during the holidays last time around.  And when you are presented with 4 different dessert options how do you say no?  I mean, it's already hard.  But when you are pregnant it's actually scientifically impossible.

So I knew my weight gain has been a little out of control lately.  What I didn't realize is that it's a lot out of control.  Like all of a sudden it went from healthy pregnancy weight gain to 25 pounds in 25 week type of weight gain.  Today, I had a midwife appointment and everything started to make sense....  It turns out my blood pressure is very low.  Like 110 over 55.  Also, I have hypoglycemia.  So I have been feeling very weak, shaky, and like I am going to faint constantly.  Eating carbs provides me with a quick burst of energy.  When I eat protein like I am supposed to I feel no better.  The midwife reports that even though carbs are making me feel better they are creating high highs followed by low lows.  So my blood sugar is all out of wack.  Protein takes longer for my body to break down but it will help prevent the big dips and the feeling that I need to be eating CONSTANTLY.  So here it goes.  I'm just going to protein it up!  And maybe take some longer walks.  And maybe, if you feel like offering me a Christmas cookie, you can wait like a year so I won't be pregnant anymore.  Thankyouverymuch!

In other news, the nosebleeds have started again.  I am scheduled to get my platelets checked (finally!) so we can see how low (or not low!  I'm being such a pessimist...) they are currently.

The rest of the appointment was good news.  Baby's head is down (hopefully locked and loaded).  Her heart rate was 140 beats per minute and she is measuring a perfect size.  Now I just need to wait one more month to be sure my placenta has moved away from the cervix (please please please!).  Then I will feel all ready to get this show on the road....well not really...but yeah.

25 Weeks--getting dressed for these pictures is becoming more of a hassle (I only take them on days I'm not working....and those are home clothes days!!!)

Week 24

Hungry and tired said every pregnant Mama ever!  I'm continuing to work a lot and I'm feeling bigger than ever! My neck and back pain from my car accident also came back this week.  Thank goodness for my weekly massage because as soon as it was massage day my week dramatically improved.  I'm pretty sure I slept all weekend with the exception of taking my daughter to dance and going to work.  I'm also gaining way more weight than I want to but when I don't eat regularly I get all shaky feeling. Just trying to choose healthy choices...which is also difficult when you are just craving grilled cheesex10.

24 weeks--Pretty sure I'm carrying higher this time around!

23 Weeks

Hungry Hungry Hungry!  I am getting seriously concerned how hungry I have become.  I have been trying to eat high protein and healthy snacks but I just feel constant hunger.  And if I don't eat enough I get shaky and a headache.  My gestational diabetes test is coming up so I hope this isn't a bad sign because I don't remember feeling so yucky last time around.  And my weight also skyrocketed this week.  Whoops.  I actually had to call Daddy R to see if he ate any yogurt because I could not even believe I ate a whole big container in 24 hours.  Better than ice cream.  That is really all I can say.

Other than the hunger, things seem to be going well!

23 Weeks!

22 Weeks

I started my first week of working extra shifts and I'm officially exhausted.  Thank goodness for the holidays coming up and all of the fun family time we will be having.  Everything is going well.  Hungry all of the time.  Sleeping pretty well (ahhh second trimester).  And just soaking it all in.  Well my two pregnancies have felt like night and day in so many ways; however,  I feel like this little one is telling me "we are sisters" right now, as she has taken position in my stomach in the exact same position her bigger sister once did.  Who knows if this is just how my uterus grows or if it's just a coincidence but Baby girl's feet are in my right rib cage and she is pressed against my right side just how I remember #1 feeling.  I just don't remember the feet being in the rib cage quite this soon.  Aahhh something tells me things are about to get painful.....

22 Weeks--can you see the dark circles under my eyes?? Yawn. 

21 Weeks

I've been feeling big lately.  What will I do when it's freezing degrees outside and no jackets zip over my baby bump?!  Being pregnant in the summer was so easy! Buying a huge coat for a few months seems ridiculous but it just might have to come to this because my coat barely zips right now.  I'm feeling lots of movements.  HARD kicks and punches.  Lots of hiccups.  We decided on a name and it does not include any part of my favorite dream name.  But it will just have to do.  Still haven't unpacked those baby clothes boxes.....or set up any "nursery."  I'm also going to be working more than ever these next few months.  I will need some luck to pull this all off because with holidays quickly approaching things are about to get extra crazy!  Good thing I handle crazy pretty well! :)

21 Week Girl Bump with my 3yo Girl Child

20 weeks

HALFWAY!  Or maybe more!  (or maybe less....).  But it still feels good.  This week we started a search for a new doula.  The doula from our last birth is expecting her own little bundle around the same time so that just would not quite work out.  I think we have found a new one though!  I also had another prenatal appointment.  Can you believe they were like, "you are so healthy we don't need to see you for another 6 weeks."  WHAT?  What happened to having a high-risk pregnancy and being seeing every week?!  This is all so weird to me.  Baby's heartbeat was a healthy 150 beats per minute.  Daddy R felt her kick for the first time!  Now we just need our baby girl #1 to feel her kick (this would make her beyond happy because she kisses, hugs, talks and sings to her all of the time).  And even though Daddy R hates the name I love for this baby, our Baby #1 LOVES the name and has taken to calling her it daily.  Even if this baby gets another name I don't think my name is going anywhere fast....much to her Daddy's dislike.

Halfway and looking (and feeling) oh so tired!

Week 19

I may be feeling a little more movement lately, which is nice and reassuring.  Nothing else is really new.  Hungry all of the time.  I have gained the recommended 10 pounds that is normal for the first 20 weeks.  Now I need to start unpacking all of our boxes to find those girl clothes and baby supplies.  This has not been something I have been excited about doing because once I find the items I will have no place to put them....2 bedroom apartment and a new baby on the way=need more space!!!  Hopefully, we will get some good news about our house hunt sometime soon.  Not because we have anything in the works.  Mostly because I think life owes me some good karma right about now.  Speaking of good karma, did I mention that because of the auto accident I now have chiropractic and massage twice a week?  I think that is the silver lining to being hit by a man with no auto insurance when I'm pregnant, sick, and have my 3yo in the car.  Sorry this post is a stream of consciousness but that's just how I roll.  The last thing I want to share while I'm free associating is that I have the perfect name for the new baby.  A name I am in love with for so many reasons.  The only probably is that Daddy R hates hates HATES the name.  What should I do?  Now, that I have this name I won't like any other name ever.  Oh, problems.

19 Week Bump

"It's....purple?!?!"

It was finally time for our gender ultrasound!  Except, this time around I have to admit it wasn't all that exciting.  Either way, boy or girl, I was good.  I originally thought I would feel sad if they said "boy" and Baby #1 would never get to know what having a sister would be like (and I wouldn't get to re-use all of baby #1's clothing...oohh the memories!) OR a "girl" and I would never know what being a mom to a boy felt like.  But nope.  By the time our appointment rolled around I was seriously fine.  So when the ultrasound tech said: It's a girl! I was like, "Okay."  And that was about it.  I was WAY more concerned that it looked like a healthy baby.  And apparently she looks healthy!  They did mention her head size is in the 7th percentile.  I asked if I should be worried about that and the Dr. was like "Nope, not at all. And by the way, your daughter has a beautiful cerebellum!"  Yes, he actually said that.  So then I just thought pushing out a baby with a little head who is perfectly healthy sounds perfectly wonderful!  As for length, baby is in the 90th percentile.  SO our baby has a pin head and is long like a green bean!  Interesting....  She still doesn't look like baby #1 to me!  I can't wait to see her in person.  The only sort of bad news is that my placenta is super low.  It's not covering the cervix but pretty close to it.  They are hoping it will move up and they said 99% of the time it does....so I am banking on that.  The silver lining to this not so great news is that I get another ultrasound at 32 weeks!  Because seeing my baby again sounds wonderful!  BUT then, I discovered my work has an ultrasound machine so really, I can see my little lady whenever I want...dangerous.

So after all that, we had the job of revealing the gender to our baby #1.  This was actually WAY more fun than finding out for ourselves.  The only problem was that I ordered the cupcakes with the all natural food coloring (colored with berries instead of artificial coloring) and when it was time for the reveal everyone was like, "Yay!  It's...purple...?!?!"  Good thing we found out ahead of time or we would have all been clueless!  My favorite thing baby #1 said: Now I can be Elsa and she can be Ana and we can play Frozen forever.  <3 Sister love.

Here are some baby pics and the gender announcement:

Really hard to get a picture because baby was not feeling very cooperative.  Also, baby was WAY head down.  No wonder I haven't felt movement (every time I see baby she is head down and just completely content).  I don't think she has flipped once! 

This picture cracks me up!  Her mouth is wide open and she looks like a muppet/old person! 

A huge foot!  The ultrasound tech said that at this age her foot length is as big as her leg length!  No wonder! 

Week 18

This was a rough week.  I war rear ended.  The car wasn't going very fast and I thought everything was going to be okay until I woke up the next morning with a very sore back/neck.  Then I started to worry that maybe the car hit me harder than I thought.  And what if it hurt baby?!?!  Thankfully, I had my anatomy ultrasound this week as well so I didn't have to wait long to find out baby is doing just fine!  And to top it off I woke up sick one morning with a bad cold.  That whole sick, sore back from car accident and pregnant combo is just not any fun at all.

In slightly more exciting news I was sitting at the charge nurse station the other night going about my work when I felt something weird in my stomach.  I let out a little "Ahhh!" because it felt so weird.  And then I remembered I was pregnant and things suddenly seemed less weird (I still have to remind myself!).  Turns out the baby was having hiccups!  And I was in love with it.  But it only lasted about one minute and then back to silence.  Still no real movements, which is another reason I was eager for that anatomy ultrasound.  Because at some point you have to wonder, am I really pregnant or do I have a weird growth in my tummy?! Right?

18 Week Belly--are you in there Baby?!?!

Week 17

Still no movement...I mean maybe some possible slight waves and butterflies here and there but nothing like big sister gave me.  Maybe this is my first lesson in not comparing my kids.  The biggest change this week has been my appetite.  OMG.  Food monster over here!  I think baby is definitely having a growth spurt!  If Baby #1 was grown on grapefruit and chocolate then Baby #2 is grown on grilled cheese and hospital jello.  Yep.  I would have liked to grow this baby on Chinese food but that craving had to go out the window because cheap Chinese food is hard to find and good Chinese food does not go with trying to save $$$ to buy a roof for my precious babes.  The other big news...in 1 week we get to find out if we have a little brother or sister!!!  I asked Baby #1 if she wants to bite into a blue cupcake or a pink cupcake.  Her response--neither.  She wants chocolate.  SO excited to know!

17 week bump and I look so tired--I always remember to take this pic right before I'm about to go to bed.  Hence the shiny face covered in moisturizer and the half-awake expression.  Night night! 

Flashback.

16 weeks w/ Baby #1 and 16 weeks w/ Baby #2.  Something looks a tad bit different. :(

Week 16

When will I start to feel baby move?!?!  This baby is SO different than #1.  I remember the first time around I felt movement from so early on almost daily (like 13/14 weeks!).  This one, I rarely feel move (except one random Monday--don't know what the celebration that day was all about).  I think this baby's personality is already coming through.  And it's one chill little person.  But I really am ready for us to start bonding so anytime this little peanut wants to start moving and a shaking is fine with me!  And I might be jinxing myself here but I don't really know how you could be anymore chill than our sweet #1 girl....except that our sweet #1 girl just turned into a terrible threenager and she is not so sweet anymore.  In fact, it took almost three years but she just had her first official tantrum.  And she has stopped listening.  And lost all her ability to reason/have a productive adult conversation.  And she likes to do EVERYTHING all by herself.  Even when it takes 5 hours or she is just doing it wrong.  So I guess I am ready for another sweet chill little person after all!  Please be another easy baby like your big sister was because I think we have our hands full now!

Week 16 Belly

Week 15

I'm not feeling very pregnant these days.  This time around, I am just too busy to have those "I'm pregnant and tired" thoughts because I'm chasing around #1, or working, or cleaning, or doing goodness knows whatever else I am constantly doing (what do I do all day!?!?).  Because what I DO know is that I am not sitting around thinking, "I'm pregnant."  Not at all.  Most of the time I actually forget until someone comments on my growing belly.  And on several occasions I have bent over and knocked the wind out of myself because I actually forget to leave room for the belly.  Whoops.  I had a midwife appointment this week and I actually had thoughts that they might not hear a heartbeat because I'm just not so sure I am pregnant most days...  But they found the beat no problem.  144 beats per minute.  I'm pretty sure that is way slower than #1 ever was...  AND they pushed back my due date.  March 8th is the new date because baby is measuring small.  So, I don't know what this really means for my blogs weekly counts....but due date boo date.  Pretty sure baby will come when baby is going to come.  Right?

15 Week Belly 

Week 14

This was a rough week and it really didn't need to be....so after our 12 week scan the doctor said everything looked great.  Well, this week I got an email with the test results and it had a list of all the things they looked at: stomach (normal), bladder (normal), cranium (normal).  ALL normal until it got to cardiac axis (abnormal).  WHAT??!!!?  They give me this news over email?!?!  No phone call. No consultation.  Just me.  To interpret the results all by myself (with the help of google--and everyone knows how helpful google is when you are freaking out about a medical crisis.....).  I have another midwife appointment next week so I planned to wait to talk to the midwife in person.  Until I started googling about how my baby's heart is in the wrong place and s/he could die any minute, or need a major surgery, require a c-section, have to stay in the NICU for 6 months, or perhaps, the problem would self-correct.  After tears (lots of tears) I decided I had to call my midwife right away.  All to find out that (abnormal) was poorly worded language for "they didn't get a good ultrasound picture."  Again, WHAT?!?!?!  NEVER, EVER, EVER, in a million trillion years tell a pregnant woman something is ABNORMAL.  I can think of 50 other ways they could have described not getting a good enough picture.  So now I am very thankful my baby's cardiac axis is (hopefully) okay.  

The rest of this week was a piece of cake.  Because we were relaxing in Bend.   And I got my favorite thai food and way too much ice cream and lots of hiking outside with daughter #1.  So life was especially good! :)

14 week bump

Week 13

Towards the end of this week I could feel my energy start creeping back to it's usual level.  All of a sudden my mid-day naps were no longer required for survival.  Thank you second trimester!  I have been feeling a lot more anxious this pregnancy.  Perhaps for a variety of reasons.  But it kind of sucks.  I thought things would improve after the 12 week ultrasound but they have not really.  Here's to hoping my anxiety will dissipate after the anatomy ultrasound which I scheduled for Oct. 7th.  I really need to shake this feeling!  I also am thinking I might feel better when I start feel baby moving.  I have felt the flutters but not regularly.  In fact, I haven't felt anything for a few days.  I remember with Baby #1 I started feeling flutters every morning while driving to work around this time.  I guess I just need to practice my patience and trust that everything is going okay.  

13 weeks...

Week 12 (finally!)

Waiting for this week took FOREVER letmetellyou! We finally got to see our baby again and I convinced myself that the baby would very likely not have a heartbeat (why am I being such a dooms day lady?!?  Or maybe the placenta would be in the wrong spot?  Or the cord would not be attached right?  Or there would be a heart problem....?  I really do feel like a crazy person lately.  Hormones.  And a little bit of crazy.).  It just does not feel real yet that I am pregnant.  Like, it hasn't sunk in.  I think all that bleeding traumatized me.  And even though I bled with baby #1 it just felt different this time around.

Well, there was a heartbeat (150 beats per minute).  And they told us that baby was perfect in every way from what they could tell.  And the baby was SSOOO cute and very photogenic (we got like 20 pictures)!!!  I think cuter than baby #1 (wait, you aren't supposed to compare your kids, right?!).  But seriously.  It was chewing on it's fingers, doing big stretches, bouncing all around, doing some somersaults.   The ultrasound tech was laughing so hard because it just wouldn't stay still (might have been the super spicy jalapeño bagel I ate right before....).  But it was the best!  Just what I needed to see!  And the baby looked completely different from #1.  Not what I was expecting at all.  The forehead seems a more normal size compared to #1 and no big lips (maybe this one will look more like me instead of Daddy?).  Also, I was convinced #1 was a boy but have had no strong sense with this one either way (and hey, I was WAY off with #1).  But everyone agreed this one "looks" like a boy.  For whatever that is worth (probably worth very little).  We find out the gender in another 6 weeks to the day!  Until then, my job is to officially keep cooking this little one! xoxo

Kicking it's little legs.

Looking dramatic with it's hand on it's forehead, "SIGH!"

Chewing on it's little hands.

Sucking on it's bottom lip.

12 weeks.  My belly is definitely lower and more pointy this time around! Boy?

Week 11

No news is good news, right?!  I hope.  I have no real news this week.  Everything is about the same. Something I haven't talked about yet is how we are homeless.  Well, not technically without a roof thanks to our dear friends for letting us rent their amazingly located apartment, but we do not have a house.  As things get further along I can't stop thinking about what will happen if we don't find something (believe you me, we have been looking, 8 offers deep!).  My rationale mind is like, it won't be that big of a deal.  The baby just won't have a bedroom, but we will make it work!  My hormonal mind is like, OH MY GOD, where is baby going to sleep? where are baby's things going to go? what am I going to do with all my nesting energy? AAHHHHHHH!!!!  I am choosing not to truly freak out about this until we are 20 weeks.  Why 20 weeks?  I have no idea.  But this seems to be working for now.  I think at 20 weeks if we have no found a house yet I am going to have to start unpacking all of our belongings because I packed them in all of Daughter #1's baby items to avoid buying bubble wrap.  I thought this was smart at the time. Now it just might be a HUGE pain in the rear end.  So, for now, we are spending EVERY weekend house hunting like it's our job.  Because it is.  Because I already want to start planning a nursery even if it might look like the exact same room as Daughter #1's because Daughter #1 has already planned what her big-sister room will look like in our new house--pink room with purple flowers, no chairs, and big floor pillows everywhere.  Yes, she came up with that ALL on her own.  Love my little girly girl.

Hoping this next week goes by fast so I can finally see our little bean again!

Week 10

Things are looking a tad bit better this week.  I haven't had anymore bleeding and the spotting happens less often and is all brown.  We shared with the world I was pregnant this past week because I was going to a friend's wedding and no dresses would fit over the bump.  Oh yeah, pretty sure I have officially "popped."  People are coming up and asking me if I am pregnant....thank god I actually am or that would be embarrassing for both of us.  I'm pretty tired all of the time but I remember being more tired during pregnancy #1.  I think having another little munchkin running around doesn't really allow me to slow down.  I am also peeing every 5 seconds so that doesn't help the sleep/tiredness issue.  Pretty sure I went to the bathroom like 20 times last night and Daddy R is complaining about our toilet paper costs skyrocketing.....  2 more weeks until the ultrasound.  Part of the reason I am so anxious for this is because with the "fluid mass" in my uterus they wanted to make sure the placenta was able to attach correctly.  I really am hoping for the best!

10 Week Popped Out Baby Belly

Our Baby announcement (we actually took this right before I got pregnant when coming back from Washington D.C.).  Little did we know I would get pregnant a few days later! 

Our littlest lady loves to sing, talk, give kisses to the baby in my belly on the regular, especially during early morning cuddle time! She is soooo excited!

Week 9

I was so happy because I thought I was going to be able to say the bleeding stopped this week... but nope, it started again last night after taking a several day break.   It decided to come back the night before my first official midwive appointment (even though I have already gone in twice before today due to bleeding concerns...).  So crushed.  But at least it was brownish-pink and not red.  In other frustrating news I have been cramping, which scares me combined with the bleeding.  But it's not bad and my midwife reminded me that this could all just be normal.  Still have diarrhea as well.  And feel sick at times.  Fun fun fun.  I thought that I might feel sad being pregnant knowing that this is the last time (only want 2 kids) but I am now so happy to never have to go through all of this again.  It's truly horrible.  My midwife appointment was fine.  Couldn't hear baby's heartbeat with the doppler because baby is likely still low and little.  I couldn't hear Baby #1's heartbeat this early so I wasn't expecting much.  I hope the next three weeks FLY by because that is when my next ultrasound is to determine if everything is okay.  I.Cannot.Wait.!!!!!!!

Wearing maternity pants I found at Gap for $4!!!  Got another pair too.  Amazing.

Week 8

Well I finally put my pride aside and called my midwife hysterically crying.  So they told me to come in and gave me a pelvic exam (lots of blood on my cervix but it remains closed) and an ultrasound (healthy little babe with a heart rate of 156 and baby doubled in size from last week!).  The weird part of this is that they also found a "fluid mass" in my uterus that they are assuming is blood.  They have no idea what this is but it's the same exact size as the baby.  They are assuming/hoping it will get absorbed or come out of me.  So more bleeding perhaps but at least I know the baby is doing well.

In other news I am having similar pregnancy symptoms as last time around--tiredness (love my mid-day naps) and extreme animal-like hunger!  Need food all of the time...like now.  But, unlike last time, I don't have very much time to focus on my symptoms because I'm busy giving daughter #1 a bath, or fixing dinner, or doing one of the other million things I always have to do.  Also, I have already grown out of my pants and I'm wearing maternity gear--last time around this didn't happen until like 15 weeks...I definitely look 15 weeks pregnant right now.  We have another appointment with our midwives next week.  Hoping for more good news!

Week 7

What a horrible, no good, very bad, week.  I don't even know what there really is to say except that I haven't really gotten out of bed in days.  Daddy R has been the biggest angel in all of the world.  He gets home at 7pm from a long day of work, cooks dinner, walks the dog, and cleans the kitchen all by himself.  Then he waits on me hand and foot.  I have been bleeding up a storm.  And when I move I bleed more.  I don't even know if I am still pregnant at all anymore with all of the blood, clots, and other stuff that has been coming out of me.  I've asked the midwives and always get the same response--it's just a waiting game.  But it's the worst waiting game in all of the world.  I feel panic every time I see more blood.  I feel helpless, emotionally exhausted, alone, scared, and generally depressed.  I just want an answer--yes, your baby will be just fine.  Or no, your baby will not be fine and this is the end of this pregnancy.  Instead, it's just a roller coaster of "Well this blood looks maybe more brown" and "I only bleed a tiny bit today" to "I think I am bleeding out and about to die and nobody cares."  I have called the midwives so many times that they have specifically told me that they no longer want to hear from me unless: 1. I bleed through a pad an hour 2. I develop a fever or 3. The pain becomes excruciating.  So I sit and wait and cry.  Because there is nothing that anybody can do.

7 Weeks, wishing time would speed up

Week 6

Oh man oh man. Right when I write about no pregnancy symptoms is always when it hits you like a bulldozer.  Totally jinxed myself there.  The weird thing is that my pregnancy "morning sickness" does not include throwing up.  Instead, my body seems confused and it's coming out the other end.  It's horrible.  My Mom had to come over and take our #1 to school because I could not leave the toilet for three hours straight.  Food sounds incredibly gross.  Every once in a while I get a craving for something and then I actually get my hands on it and start to gag.  My midwife says as long as I do not become dehydrated or develop a fever then I am a-okay.  The just sounds like a big fat lie.

THEN, to make matters worse, I started bleeding.  My first thought was subchorionic hemmorage.  How could I have another one of these?!  Like seriously, what are the chances?  I started thinking my #1 just barely made it to this world herself and who knows if my body will be able to have another one?  After two days of bleeding I finally insisted on getting an ultrasound.  The midwives were the same old story as last time, "miscarriages are perfectly natural, there is nothing we can do, it's just a waiting game."  But when you tell this to a hormonal, very tired, and anxious pregnant lady it's just not going to fly.  They told me to wait until 7 weeks to make the appointment because that is when baby's heartbeat will start strongly beating if things are okay.  NOPE.  I was able to convince the scheduler in maternal fetal medicine to get me in that same day.

No subchorionic hemmorage like I feared.  A perfectly healthy baby with a heartbeat of 111 (which is very good for 6 weeks!).  The bittersweet news is that I was pregnant with twins and one of them did not make it.  The doctor could see an empty yolk sak and the bleeding is likely from the discontinuation of that pregnancy.  What doesn't come out of me will be absorbed by the living twin (sounds freaky right?).  Surprisingly, Ryan was a lot more sad hearing this news that I was because I was just so thankful to have potentially one healthy baby and also chances of a semi-normal pregnancy.  One life will be a blessing.  Twins would have been an amazing journey but it will not be our journey after all.

6 week old tiny floating baby, only the size of a pomegranate seed

6 weeks pregnant

Being pregnant with twins also explains how sick I have been.  My hormones must really be out of wack to have thought there were two and now be miscarrying one.  For several days in a row I have not made it out of bed except to go to work.  And at work I pray that it will be as slow as possible so I can just sit there and watch the clock.  This week was probably one of the hardest weeks in all of my pregnant life because last time around with bleeding I wasn't so sick on top of it all.  Here is to hoping things improve! 

First Appointment

Not very much to report given that I am only 5 weeks.  The only interesting thing is that A. they wanted to see me at 5 weeks and B. Yes, I am in fact pregnant.  My last hospital did not want to see me until I was 10 weeks so this felt a little premature.  They basically asked me a lot of questions, reminded me to take care of myself, scheduled me for a bunch more appointments, and took all my blood.  From the blood we learned that my platelets are at 117--I'm pretty sure this is what they were at my first appoinment with #1.  How special.  Let the fun rollar coaster of blood draws begin....  I just hope I get another amazing hemotologist and the midwives do not become too freaked out to work with me.

A few days later I was notified that I am Group B Strep Positive.   Initially, I had no idea what this meant because with #1 this was never a concern.  I have since learned that 40% of women carry Group B Strep at any given time.  They just happened to test me when I was carrying it.  The most accurate tests happen within 5 weeks of delivery so we they tested me when I was 5 weeks pregnant I have no idea.  Now that I have a positive test they will need to give me antibiotics ever 4 hours throughout labor to protect the baby.  I had no IVs (not even fluids) with #1 so wrapping my head around this was stressful to say the least.  In fact, I had a full out anxiety attack where I couldn't breath in the middle of the night (not because being hooked up to an IV is that big of deal) but more because my hormones are out of control and this is just one more thing on top of my blood mess that put me over the edge.  As soon as daylight hit I became a lot more rationale.  Something to take seriously but something not to freak out over.  Next appointment happens the beginning of August.  I can't wait to see and hear baby!

5 Weeks

I don't feel quite as huge this week.  Maybe there was some extra bloat thanks to the 100 degree temps we have been having non-stop.  Truthfully, I frequently forget that I am pregnant at all as my symptoms have decreased.  Already, this pregnancy is so different from #1.  Our first time around I was having HORRIBLE cramps (like labor) where I had to stop everything I was doing and try not to die.  This time around I get the occassional period-like cramps but that is really it.  I wonder if I can attribute the intense cramps to the hemmorage I had with baby #1?  Like I could feel things were not right...  I am hoping feeling not pregnant at all is a good sign!  Rather than a "shouldn't-I-be-feeling-worse?" type of thing.  I have my first doctor appointment tomorrow so we will see...

Oh, and as far as the doc situation....I have to go to a new hospital for #2 because my insurance has changed.  This makes me very nervous and a little heartbroken because I loved everything about my first pregnancy and delivery.  Now I am walking into all new territory once again.  And to make matters more interesting--I have to be seen at my place of employment.  So delivering #2 might just feel like another day at the job.  We will see.

And we are back....with #2!

Because we really can't make a baby diary for #1 and leave #2 high and dry!  So welcome to our second pregnancy.  We decided that it was finally time to give Baby B #1 a sibling, as she has been requesting one for well over a year.  We took a family trip to Washington D.C. in May.  The plan was that we would live it up there and then start trying for our newest family member when we returned home.  Well, pretty much exactly like with pregnancy #1 a few days following the end of my period I began to experience pregnancy symptoms (on day 4 to be exact).  I know, I know, this is impossible.  But sometimes life just does not make sense.  The thing that was really weird was that my pregnancy symptoms were very different.  I was much more nauseous than last time and my stomach hurt so badly--like it was bruised internally.  I didn't want anything to touch it including the waist of my pants.  I was bloated, consipated, and the weirdest symptom of all was the extra saliva that was in my mouth...so much spit.  Gagging me.  I even had to put a washcloth in my mouth to absorb some of the spit at night.  As far as cravings...no grapefruit like last time.  Nope.  All I wanted was dairy products--cheese, ice cream, greek yogurt, and ice cold milk.  I even added ice cubes to my milk!  Strange? Yep.  But so amazing. 

We decided to take the pregnancy test a few days before my missed period on Father's Day.  What a great day to learn another addition will be coming, right?!  Wrong.  Took one of those early predictor tests and got the big fat negative.  I was crushed.  Completely.  I had even told some of my close friends that I was pregnant because I was so sure.  Everyone said it was probably just psychosomatic but I could not believe this because my symptoms were so different.  I mean, wouldn't I mentally conjure up the same symtoms?  Or is my unconscious that smart?  I also began to worry that getting pregnant the second time around would not be so easy.  What if our #1 was our one and only?  I even got hysterical one night...if only I would have been able to attribute these to pregnancy hormones at the time....

Well, a few days later I never got my period but I was having cramps.  My stomach also started to become hard and all my symptoms were continuing.  I finally decided to take another test but was more mentally prepared for the worst this time.  Instead, we got the best surprise.  That teaches me to listen to some silly test over my own body!  We are not telling that many people because we want to make sure everything is going to go okay.  I am guessing this will be another high risk pregnancy due to my weird blood condition.  I have my first doctor appointment next week.  If you are reading this please keep it a secret until we officially annouce.  Thank you!

4 weeks--bloated or carrying triplets?  I look like I did at week 12 with pregnancy #1....

So excited!!! :)