Week 12 (finally!)

Waiting for this week took FOREVER letmetellyou! We finally got to see our baby again and I convinced myself that the baby would very likely not have a heartbeat (why am I being such a dooms day lady?!?  Or maybe the placenta would be in the wrong spot?  Or the cord would not be attached right?  Or there would be a heart problem....?  I really do feel like a crazy person lately.  Hormones.  And a little bit of crazy.).  It just does not feel real yet that I am pregnant.  Like, it hasn't sunk in.  I think all that bleeding traumatized me.  And even though I bled with baby #1 it just felt different this time around.

Well, there was a heartbeat (150 beats per minute).  And they told us that baby was perfect in every way from what they could tell.  And the baby was SSOOO cute and very photogenic (we got like 20 pictures)!!!  I think cuter than baby #1 (wait, you aren't supposed to compare your kids, right?!).  But seriously.  It was chewing on it's fingers, doing big stretches, bouncing all around, doing some somersaults.   The ultrasound tech was laughing so hard because it just wouldn't stay still (might have been the super spicy jalapeño bagel I ate right before....).  But it was the best!  Just what I needed to see!  And the baby looked completely different from #1.  Not what I was expecting at all.  The forehead seems a more normal size compared to #1 and no big lips (maybe this one will look more like me instead of Daddy?).  Also, I was convinced #1 was a boy but have had no strong sense with this one either way (and hey, I was WAY off with #1).  But everyone agreed this one "looks" like a boy.  For whatever that is worth (probably worth very little).  We find out the gender in another 6 weeks to the day!  Until then, my job is to officially keep cooking this little one! xoxo

Kicking it's little legs.

Looking dramatic with it's hand on it's forehead, "SIGH!"

Chewing on it's little hands.

Sucking on it's bottom lip.

12 weeks.  My belly is definitely lower and more pointy this time around! Boy?

Week 11

No news is good news, right?!  I hope.  I have no real news this week.  Everything is about the same. Something I haven't talked about yet is how we are homeless.  Well, not technically without a roof thanks to our dear friends for letting us rent their amazingly located apartment, but we do not have a house.  As things get further along I can't stop thinking about what will happen if we don't find something (believe you me, we have been looking, 8 offers deep!).  My rationale mind is like, it won't be that big of a deal.  The baby just won't have a bedroom, but we will make it work!  My hormonal mind is like, OH MY GOD, where is baby going to sleep? where are baby's things going to go? what am I going to do with all my nesting energy? AAHHHHHHH!!!!  I am choosing not to truly freak out about this until we are 20 weeks.  Why 20 weeks?  I have no idea.  But this seems to be working for now.  I think at 20 weeks if we have no found a house yet I am going to have to start unpacking all of our belongings because I packed them in all of Daughter #1's baby items to avoid buying bubble wrap.  I thought this was smart at the time. Now it just might be a HUGE pain in the rear end.  So, for now, we are spending EVERY weekend house hunting like it's our job.  Because it is.  Because I already want to start planning a nursery even if it might look like the exact same room as Daughter #1's because Daughter #1 has already planned what her big-sister room will look like in our new house--pink room with purple flowers, no chairs, and big floor pillows everywhere.  Yes, she came up with that ALL on her own.  Love my little girly girl.

Hoping this next week goes by fast so I can finally see our little bean again!

Week 10

Things are looking a tad bit better this week.  I haven't had anymore bleeding and the spotting happens less often and is all brown.  We shared with the world I was pregnant this past week because I was going to a friend's wedding and no dresses would fit over the bump.  Oh yeah, pretty sure I have officially "popped."  People are coming up and asking me if I am pregnant....thank god I actually am or that would be embarrassing for both of us.  I'm pretty tired all of the time but I remember being more tired during pregnancy #1.  I think having another little munchkin running around doesn't really allow me to slow down.  I am also peeing every 5 seconds so that doesn't help the sleep/tiredness issue.  Pretty sure I went to the bathroom like 20 times last night and Daddy R is complaining about our toilet paper costs skyrocketing.....  2 more weeks until the ultrasound.  Part of the reason I am so anxious for this is because with the "fluid mass" in my uterus they wanted to make sure the placenta was able to attach correctly.  I really am hoping for the best!

10 Week Popped Out Baby Belly

Our Baby announcement (we actually took this right before I got pregnant when coming back from Washington D.C.).  Little did we know I would get pregnant a few days later! 

Our littlest lady loves to sing, talk, give kisses to the baby in my belly on the regular, especially during early morning cuddle time! She is soooo excited!

Week 9

I was so happy because I thought I was going to be able to say the bleeding stopped this week... but nope, it started again last night after taking a several day break.   It decided to come back the night before my first official midwive appointment (even though I have already gone in twice before today due to bleeding concerns...).  So crushed.  But at least it was brownish-pink and not red.  In other frustrating news I have been cramping, which scares me combined with the bleeding.  But it's not bad and my midwife reminded me that this could all just be normal.  Still have diarrhea as well.  And feel sick at times.  Fun fun fun.  I thought that I might feel sad being pregnant knowing that this is the last time (only want 2 kids) but I am now so happy to never have to go through all of this again.  It's truly horrible.  My midwife appointment was fine.  Couldn't hear baby's heartbeat with the doppler because baby is likely still low and little.  I couldn't hear Baby #1's heartbeat this early so I wasn't expecting much.  I hope the next three weeks FLY by because that is when my next ultrasound is to determine if everything is okay.  I.Cannot.Wait.!!!!!!!

Wearing maternity pants I found at Gap for $4!!!  Got another pair too.  Amazing.

Week 8

Well I finally put my pride aside and called my midwife hysterically crying.  So they told me to come in and gave me a pelvic exam (lots of blood on my cervix but it remains closed) and an ultrasound (healthy little babe with a heart rate of 156 and baby doubled in size from last week!).  The weird part of this is that they also found a "fluid mass" in my uterus that they are assuming is blood.  They have no idea what this is but it's the same exact size as the baby.  They are assuming/hoping it will get absorbed or come out of me.  So more bleeding perhaps but at least I know the baby is doing well.

In other news I am having similar pregnancy symptoms as last time around--tiredness (love my mid-day naps) and extreme animal-like hunger!  Need food all of the time...like now.  But, unlike last time, I don't have very much time to focus on my symptoms because I'm busy giving daughter #1 a bath, or fixing dinner, or doing one of the other million things I always have to do.  Also, I have already grown out of my pants and I'm wearing maternity gear--last time around this didn't happen until like 15 weeks...I definitely look 15 weeks pregnant right now.  We have another appointment with our midwives next week.  Hoping for more good news!

Week 7

What a horrible, no good, very bad, week.  I don't even know what there really is to say except that I haven't really gotten out of bed in days.  Daddy R has been the biggest angel in all of the world.  He gets home at 7pm from a long day of work, cooks dinner, walks the dog, and cleans the kitchen all by himself.  Then he waits on me hand and foot.  I have been bleeding up a storm.  And when I move I bleed more.  I don't even know if I am still pregnant at all anymore with all of the blood, clots, and other stuff that has been coming out of me.  I've asked the midwives and always get the same response--it's just a waiting game.  But it's the worst waiting game in all of the world.  I feel panic every time I see more blood.  I feel helpless, emotionally exhausted, alone, scared, and generally depressed.  I just want an answer--yes, your baby will be just fine.  Or no, your baby will not be fine and this is the end of this pregnancy.  Instead, it's just a roller coaster of "Well this blood looks maybe more brown" and "I only bleed a tiny bit today" to "I think I am bleeding out and about to die and nobody cares."  I have called the midwives so many times that they have specifically told me that they no longer want to hear from me unless: 1. I bleed through a pad an hour 2. I develop a fever or 3. The pain becomes excruciating.  So I sit and wait and cry.  Because there is nothing that anybody can do.

7 Weeks, wishing time would speed up

Week 6

Oh man oh man. Right when I write about no pregnancy symptoms is always when it hits you like a bulldozer.  Totally jinxed myself there.  The weird thing is that my pregnancy "morning sickness" does not include throwing up.  Instead, my body seems confused and it's coming out the other end.  It's horrible.  My Mom had to come over and take our #1 to school because I could not leave the toilet for three hours straight.  Food sounds incredibly gross.  Every once in a while I get a craving for something and then I actually get my hands on it and start to gag.  My midwife says as long as I do not become dehydrated or develop a fever then I am a-okay.  The just sounds like a big fat lie.

THEN, to make matters worse, I started bleeding.  My first thought was subchorionic hemmorage.  How could I have another one of these?!  Like seriously, what are the chances?  I started thinking my #1 just barely made it to this world herself and who knows if my body will be able to have another one?  After two days of bleeding I finally insisted on getting an ultrasound.  The midwives were the same old story as last time, "miscarriages are perfectly natural, there is nothing we can do, it's just a waiting game."  But when you tell this to a hormonal, very tired, and anxious pregnant lady it's just not going to fly.  They told me to wait until 7 weeks to make the appointment because that is when baby's heartbeat will start strongly beating if things are okay.  NOPE.  I was able to convince the scheduler in maternal fetal medicine to get me in that same day.

No subchorionic hemmorage like I feared.  A perfectly healthy baby with a heartbeat of 111 (which is very good for 6 weeks!).  The bittersweet news is that I was pregnant with twins and one of them did not make it.  The doctor could see an empty yolk sak and the bleeding is likely from the discontinuation of that pregnancy.  What doesn't come out of me will be absorbed by the living twin (sounds freaky right?).  Surprisingly, Ryan was a lot more sad hearing this news that I was because I was just so thankful to have potentially one healthy baby and also chances of a semi-normal pregnancy.  One life will be a blessing.  Twins would have been an amazing journey but it will not be our journey after all.

6 week old tiny floating baby, only the size of a pomegranate seed

6 weeks pregnant

Being pregnant with twins also explains how sick I have been.  My hormones must really be out of wack to have thought there were two and now be miscarrying one.  For several days in a row I have not made it out of bed except to go to work.  And at work I pray that it will be as slow as possible so I can just sit there and watch the clock.  This week was probably one of the hardest weeks in all of my pregnant life because last time around with bleeding I wasn't so sick on top of it all.  Here is to hoping things improve! 

First Appointment

Not very much to report given that I am only 5 weeks.  The only interesting thing is that A. they wanted to see me at 5 weeks and B. Yes, I am in fact pregnant.  My last hospital did not want to see me until I was 10 weeks so this felt a little premature.  They basically asked me a lot of questions, reminded me to take care of myself, scheduled me for a bunch more appointments, and took all my blood.  From the blood we learned that my platelets are at 117--I'm pretty sure this is what they were at my first appoinment with #1.  How special.  Let the fun rollar coaster of blood draws begin....  I just hope I get another amazing hemotologist and the midwives do not become too freaked out to work with me.

A few days later I was notified that I am Group B Strep Positive.   Initially, I had no idea what this meant because with #1 this was never a concern.  I have since learned that 40% of women carry Group B Strep at any given time.  They just happened to test me when I was carrying it.  The most accurate tests happen within 5 weeks of delivery so we they tested me when I was 5 weeks pregnant I have no idea.  Now that I have a positive test they will need to give me antibiotics ever 4 hours throughout labor to protect the baby.  I had no IVs (not even fluids) with #1 so wrapping my head around this was stressful to say the least.  In fact, I had a full out anxiety attack where I couldn't breath in the middle of the night (not because being hooked up to an IV is that big of deal) but more because my hormones are out of control and this is just one more thing on top of my blood mess that put me over the edge.  As soon as daylight hit I became a lot more rationale.  Something to take seriously but something not to freak out over.  Next appointment happens the beginning of August.  I can't wait to see and hear baby!

5 Weeks

I don't feel quite as huge this week.  Maybe there was some extra bloat thanks to the 100 degree temps we have been having non-stop.  Truthfully, I frequently forget that I am pregnant at all as my symptoms have decreased.  Already, this pregnancy is so different from #1.  Our first time around I was having HORRIBLE cramps (like labor) where I had to stop everything I was doing and try not to die.  This time around I get the occassional period-like cramps but that is really it.  I wonder if I can attribute the intense cramps to the hemmorage I had with baby #1?  Like I could feel things were not right...  I am hoping feeling not pregnant at all is a good sign!  Rather than a "shouldn't-I-be-feeling-worse?" type of thing.  I have my first doctor appointment tomorrow so we will see...

Oh, and as far as the doc situation....I have to go to a new hospital for #2 because my insurance has changed.  This makes me very nervous and a little heartbroken because I loved everything about my first pregnancy and delivery.  Now I am walking into all new territory once again.  And to make matters more interesting--I have to be seen at my place of employment.  So delivering #2 might just feel like another day at the job.  We will see.

And we are back....with #2!

Because we really can't make a baby diary for #1 and leave #2 high and dry!  So welcome to our second pregnancy.  We decided that it was finally time to give Baby B #1 a sibling, as she has been requesting one for well over a year.  We took a family trip to Washington D.C. in May.  The plan was that we would live it up there and then start trying for our newest family member when we returned home.  Well, pretty much exactly like with pregnancy #1 a few days following the end of my period I began to experience pregnancy symptoms (on day 4 to be exact).  I know, I know, this is impossible.  But sometimes life just does not make sense.  The thing that was really weird was that my pregnancy symptoms were very different.  I was much more nauseous than last time and my stomach hurt so badly--like it was bruised internally.  I didn't want anything to touch it including the waist of my pants.  I was bloated, consipated, and the weirdest symptom of all was the extra saliva that was in my mouth...so much spit.  Gagging me.  I even had to put a washcloth in my mouth to absorb some of the spit at night.  As far as cravings...no grapefruit like last time.  Nope.  All I wanted was dairy products--cheese, ice cream, greek yogurt, and ice cold milk.  I even added ice cubes to my milk!  Strange? Yep.  But so amazing. 

We decided to take the pregnancy test a few days before my missed period on Father's Day.  What a great day to learn another addition will be coming, right?!  Wrong.  Took one of those early predictor tests and got the big fat negative.  I was crushed.  Completely.  I had even told some of my close friends that I was pregnant because I was so sure.  Everyone said it was probably just psychosomatic but I could not believe this because my symptoms were so different.  I mean, wouldn't I mentally conjure up the same symtoms?  Or is my unconscious that smart?  I also began to worry that getting pregnant the second time around would not be so easy.  What if our #1 was our one and only?  I even got hysterical one night...if only I would have been able to attribute these to pregnancy hormones at the time....

Well, a few days later I never got my period but I was having cramps.  My stomach also started to become hard and all my symptoms were continuing.  I finally decided to take another test but was more mentally prepared for the worst this time.  Instead, we got the best surprise.  That teaches me to listen to some silly test over my own body!  We are not telling that many people because we want to make sure everything is going to go okay.  I am guessing this will be another high risk pregnancy due to my weird blood condition.  I have my first doctor appointment next week.  If you are reading this please keep it a secret until we officially annouce.  Thank you!

4 weeks--bloated or carrying triplets?  I look like I did at week 12 with pregnancy #1....

So excited!!! :)