One Viewpoint

Here is an article I found interesting:

The Most Scientific Birth Is Often the...

My view: Every woman needs to do what she determines is best for herself and baby.  

Week 12

20 hours of sleep per day still sounds like an adequate number.  I have also started craving grapefruit all of the time.  I get so thirsty and grapefruit is the ONLY thing on this planet that seems to quench my unbearable thirst.  Ryan came home with a whole flat of Costco grapefruit so now I am in heaven.  Other than these things I have just been working a whole lot.  Work.  Sleep.  Grapefruit eating. 

First Prize for our Baby

We went to our sequential screening ultrasound today.  It was so FUN!  In just one week our little oger of a baby transformed into the most beautiful little thing.  Ryan and I couldn't take our eyes off the little babe and we were so lucky to get an ultrasound technician that seemed to share our excitement.  Several amazing things happened during this appointment.

1. Our baby won a prize.  It's first prize ever (one of many I am assuming). Yes, I would like to brag about my unborn child (oh no).  When the ultrasound tech was finished giving us a 45-minute tour of my belly the doctor came in and announced that our baby won the prize of the day for having the most textbook perfect measurements.  HOORAY!  Our baby looks extremely healthy (from what the ultrasound peeps can tell) and they seriously shared our excitement about how cute s/him is....like really.  I don't think I am being a biased mother here because the doctor and the ultrasound tech could not seem to get enough of our baby.  They sent us home with like 30 pictures (including some 3D pics and a 22 second movie of our baby!---aaahhhhhhh baby's FIRST movie!)

2. I felt the baby move and I am not crazy.  I know you are not supposed to feel the baby move until you are like 20 weeks+ but I have been having these weird feelings in my lower abdomen and have secretly been thinking that it's baby (I have read about how it's usually gas or indigestion--but those things I have had all my life and these feelings have been different!).  Sure enough--when the ultrasound tech started the screening our little babe was asleep.  The tech tried knocking on my stomach to wake baby up but our baby is a sound sleeper like it's mommy!  The ultrasound tech went to go get the doctor after a while and while she was away I felt the baby move (or what I thought was the baby moving).  I told Ryan (somewhat jokingly) that our baby has woken up.  He looked at me in disbelief.  Sure enough when the doctor came back into the room and started up the ultrasound again baby was wide awake jumping all around and doing summersaults.  Absolutely amazing.

3. Our baby came from my right ovary.  I already knew this because I felt ovulation pains on that side but it was cool they were able to confirm it. Good job right ovary!

4. We finally have an idea of what our baby will look like.  I had a dream that our baby was born with only one arm.  I was so thankful to see that our baby will have two arms and two legs.  I think our baby is turning into a mini-daddy...lips, eyes, nose.  I love how Ryan looks so I could not be happier about this (even though I do hope our baby has my hair).  Also, I thought I saw a pretty distinct penis.  When I asked the ultrasound tech about this she said it could be a penis or a clitoris at this point.  Apparently, at 12 weeks the clitoris can be pretty long so it's not 100% accurate to assume gender.  By the next ultrasound we should know the sex.  And after getting ultrasounds at 9 weeks, 11 weeks, and 12 weeks I can't believe that I have to wait until around 20 weeks to see our little babe again.

5. They pushed back the baby's due date.  The ER (where we had our first ultrasound done gave us the due date of Oct. 4th).  They are now saying baby will more likely be born Oct. 9th which makes more sense given my last menstrual cycle.  They also said it doesn't really matter though because baby will come when baby wants to come (usually two weeks before or after the due date).

Here are the just a few of the many pictures we got:

Profile of Baby

Baby waving "Hi!"

Baby's legs and cute little toes

3-D pic--if you look close you can see the "penis" looking thing that may or may not be a penis.  You can also see Ryan's lips/eyes/nose.  I think I have studied this picture for hours.....

Week 11

This week I was absolutely exhausted.  I started my new job and I have enough work for at least five of me.  I have been coming home from work late, eating whatever is in my fridge, and passing out.  Bedtime is 8pm.  You would think 9+ hours of sleep would be enough.....but no.  I wake up just as tired as I went to bed.  Hurry up second trimester with your burst of energy!

Midwife and Another

So, we had our first midwife appointment.  I have always been fascinated by pregnancy.  Seriously, some people are completely awed by the solar system or the idea of quantum mechanics.  Well, that is how I am about pregnancy.  It just blows me away.  And I have always dreamed of how I want my pregnancy to go.  And what type of pregnant woman I will be.  I have also been careful to remember that pregnancies rarely go how you dream them up.  So far, even with ALL of the countless hours of research I have put into pregnancy it is going nothing like I dreamed of.

First off, I wanted to deliver away from a hospital setting.  I probably am one of those people who believe that birth is a natural thing.  I do not think birth necessarily requires many medical interventions.  But that is not the biggest reason that I wanted to be away from a hospital.  I also want to have more say in my birth plan than a hospital birth might allow.  I don't want to be hooked up to anything.  I want to walk around.  I want to do what feels right when it feels natural to do so.  I want options.  I don't want to feel rushed.  I want to be comfortable (okay, as comfortable as you can be when pushing a melon-sized object out of your pikachu).  But really, the biggest thing I want is that comfort!  I know that hospitals save lives.  And I am very grateful for them because they saved my husband's life.  But they also bring back a lot of memories and these are not good memories.  I know that if I am in a hospital, lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines that beep, I will be flooded with memories and I will not have the birth experience that I want.

If it was my decision solely I would probably opt for a birth center.  But my husband was not comfortable with this.  And it's his baby too!  We made a compromise and decided to go with midwives INSIDE a hospital.  The midwives will limit the amount of medical interventions as is safe to do so.  And if something bad does happen, I will still be inside a hospital and can get urgent attention.

Now, the reality of the situation.  I have always been plagued with weird medical issues.  I was hoping my pregnancy would be different but alas, no such luck.  First the subchorionic hemorrhange.  I thought that would be the extent of weird medical stuff.  But at today's midwife appointment I learned that the blood test I completed last week indicates that I have a low platelet count (it is supposed to be 150 but mine is only 117).  I now have to meet with a hematologist and have more tests run.  The danger with a low platelet count is that my blood may not clot correctly.  This can cause a high-risk pregnancy.  I might not be able to deliver with midwives.  OR this could just be a weird hormonal thing and my platelet count could return to normal.  OR it could be a sign of some other problem.  Lots of unanswered questions.  Ironically, when I asked the midwife if I could deliver my baby safely with a platelet count of 117 the answer is: Yes, except I would not be able to have an epidural.  I didn't want an epidural anyway so this will just be an absolute to prevent me from getting one.  But man, another thing to attempt not to stress over.  I will get more answers next week.  

Week 10

This was an exciting week because we had another ultrasound and got fantastic news.  There is no sign of the hemorrhage hurting the baby.  This does not mean it is not there (so I could potentially have more scary bleeding) but it does means that it is not around the placenta which is the biggest cause of miscarriage.  We got the okay to announce our pregnancy publicly, and we took advantage.

:)

As far as being 10 weeks pregnant.....I remain really tired.  And hungry.  I think I am also starting to show.  It's probably not noticeable to the average Joe but if you really knew my body then you would know it used to not look like this:

Our little bean looks a lot different now.  Less bean-like and more oger-like (sorry baby B--but your body really needs to catch up to the rest of your head!).  Here is to more cooking!

In a few days we have our first midwife appointment.  I cannot wait!

First Appointment

We met with the nurse this past week and it turned into such a fun day.  Ryan couldn't stop talking about how great it will be when we are retired (the boy does not get enough days outside of his fab).  The nurse made us feel like our pregnancy is progressing just fine, even despite the subchorionic hemorrhage.  Finally, a nurse that is reassuring!  The appointment did not consist of much--blood draw (another one..ugh), asked questions about family history, explained our various birthing options, and she even attempted to let us hear the baby's heart beat.  Sadly, our little babe was not feeling cooperative.  She also scheduled an ultrasound for us--which we have tomorrow--and I seriously cannot wait to see how things are going.  My mom is coming with me tomorrow because Ryan cannot take off so many days from work.  Also, the other good news is that even though I am eating everything in sight I have only gained three pounds.

Things seemed to be looking up.  And I have been feeling great despite wanting to go to bed every night around 8pm.  Because I was feeling so great I was probably pushing myself too hard because last night the brown discharge came back.  Actually, if we are going to get technical about this the discharge looked more orange.  There was only a few drops over a few hours so we did not rush to the ER.  I was thankful it was not red but it still scared me.  Today I have been lying around in bed all day.  Thinking about what baby will look like tomorrow....and hoping for the best!  

Week 9

I had a good week in my personal opinion.  Mainly, this was due to the fact my bleeding has stopped.  I have also stopped cramping as badly as I was.  I am REALLY hoping these are all good signs.

The biggest struggle this past week has been my never ending hunger.  You are only supposed to gain 2-5Ibs during the first trimester.  I haven't weighed myself lately because I do not own a scale and just use the one at the gym.  But, since I am not allowed to go to they gym I am living in fear that I have already gained  10+ Ibs.  I feel like there is no way around this.  It's not that I cannot get full.  I get full easily.  The problem is that no matter how much I eat I end up feeling hungry about two hours later (sometimes one hour, sometimes 5 minutes later).  Ugh.  All I can think about is food.  At one point this week I was in a work meeting and I could not even concentrate on anything else but obtaining food.  This was almost an animal instinct.  I felt that if I did not eat immediately I would chew off my OWN arm!  I had this totally irrational train of thought about how I was starving myself and thus starving my baby and already a horrible mother.  I was so frantic that I seriously considered pretending to use the restroom and hightailing it to the Starbucks across the street.  Like I said, maternal animal instincts.  I keep reminding myself that this problem is probably better than morning sickness but sometimes I am not so sure....especially as my clothes are getting a little more snug.  And not being allowed to exercise does not help.

The other thing about this past week has been the increased tiredness.  Complaining to Ryan does no good because he tells me to take a nap.  But by the time I get home from working two jobs (yes, only two more weeks of this!) it is already six o'clock and I just want someone to bring me dinner in bed.  I'm too hungry to go to sleep.  Duh.

I hope little baby B is growing healthily with all of the increased nutrients this week!  I have been eating lots of kale and avocado because I read that these are good for baby.  Here I am (with a thicker waistline):

I should find out how much weight I have really gained tomorrow at my FIRST prenatal appointment!  

Week 8

This was definitely a week of ups and downs.  Along with the pregnancy hormonal rollar coaster I realized I was left with inadequate information regarding my subchorionic hemorrhage.  If only I had known the questions to ask when I was diagnosed with this issue I wouldn't have been left fearing the worst and hoping for the best all week.  I need to know how big exactly the blood clot is because the ER doctor stated it was "small" and that just seems like a relative term to me.  For example, small like a poppyseed or small like a baby elephant?  I was in such a state of shock I didn't think to ask exactly how many centimeters small means.  The second question I have is regarding the location of the clot.  I have read that the smaller the clot and the farther away from the placenta the better our chances are of having a happy pregnancy.

The good news is that my bleeding has been decreasing everyday.  And I haven't had any more red blood. Just brown blood which I have read is not as concerning because it is mostly likely old blood.  I also have little specks in my urine that float.  I don't know if they are tiny little clots or bits of flesh or flakes of gold or goodness knows what else.

I have not wanted to call the hospital advice line because EVERY time I call them they treat me like I am just a statistic and remind me the chances of miscarriage and the need to think positive in the same breath.  They even told me I should start telling close friends about what is going on in case I need support due to the risk of miscarriage.  Wow, I really feel like being super positive after hearing that.  But we took their advice and started telling a few people.

I cannot wait to get another ultrasound to see if the clot is increasing in size, decreasing in size, or (gasp!) has disappeared.  Our next appointment is on March 7th and I think I will handcuff myself to the hospital bed if they refuse to give me an ultrasound.  The ER doctor stated that we would probably have weekly ultrasounds but when I called the midwifery clinic they acted like this was unnecessary because A. there is nothing they can do about the clot anyway and B. miscarriage is a natural thing (they say it like it should be embraced).

My questions (as a social worker) is where does mental health fit into this perspective (aka I need this ultrasound to calm my nerves) and also where is the strength-based perspective???   Can we stop referring to my condition as "threatened abortion" and start calling it "embryo fighting like a warrior?"  Seriously.  That would actually make women feel like being positive.

Off of the soap box......I have stayed off my feet a lot this week but it's been hard because I am working two jobs (leaving one and starting my new one).  Ryan has been a godsend: taking the dog on two plus walks a day, cooking, doing the dishes, and waiting on me hand and foot.  I love him.  I can't really think of other pregnancy symptoms because all of my energy is consumed with thoughts of a shrinking blood clot and work-related stuff.

Here I am (still mostly baby bloat even though my uterus is feeling really hard through my tummy):